Triggered
Updated: Oct 13, 2021
Man, where do I start? I wouldn't have had to ask that question if I wasn't slacking on my blog posts! Life has been quite the adventure since my last post in Aug 2020. Maybe I should do some "What Had Happened" posts to share some of the shenanigans I've experienced this past year. So many ups and downs, but I must say -- I've been having more ups than downs lately. Praise God!! But I digress, back to the topic at hand.
I've been a panel member of a weekly podcast called "Late Night Love Ties." It's a Christian based podcast that discusses relationship topics with a biblical perspective. God is so good -- He brought me to a platform that discusses two of my favorite subjects: Christianity and Relationships. Shout out to my friend Neff for inviting me to participate! Now it's one of my favorite things to do every week.
Every week the host, Pastor Gabe, sends us the topics we'll be discussing. So he sent this question: "For the men: Why once y'all get the woman you want, after a while y'all lose interest or don't do the things you did to get her?" Oh my God when I read that question it brought back a flood of emotions I felt from past hurts. Let me say here that when I reference an ex it's rarely my ex-husband. I've dated a good amount of guys in my past so I have stories for days. I just want to make that clear because not too many people know my ex-boyfriends but so many know my ex-husband. For that reason alone I'll rarely talk about our marriage in a manner that'll put him in a bad light. I don't mind sharing my story but not if it'll hurt someone else's image. I made my fair share of mistakes in my marriage too so I'll share that stuff when appropriate.
Ok so back to this darn question for the podcast, ugh I've been through so much crap from guys!! I'm not perfect, but I'm teachable and loyal. So my frustration is this: Some guys pursue us SO HARD and SO LONG, make us feel like we are their everything, tell us that we are exactly what they want and need, tell us that they want no one else but BAM!, after some time passes the men disregard us and don't prioritize us like they did when they were trying to win our hearts. Once us women fall in love, we lose the man we fell in love with in the beginning. Now obviously this doesn't apply to all relationships but it applies to way too many relationships.
I've given men a hard time during the pursuit because I don't fall for words easily. I try to give him many chances to see I might not be who he truly wants, and I give him space to move on without drama. But no: he begs, he finesses, he gets super creative and I finally say "Ok, he's for real about his love for me. He loves me for who I am and who I'm not." I start feeling secure and set in my relationship. Next thing you know, I'm questioning if he's still interested in me because all of that "baby I love you, I'll do anything for you" is gone. Now I'm asking for it again. And when I say "something isn't right," he replies "no we're good." Next thing you know, he cheated on me. Y'all, I've been cheated on and played so many times I'm like "What on God's green Earth is going on?!?!" I would like to think I'm being selective with the men I'm dating but Lord Jesus.
Man I tell you it was so bad after I read the question that I considered skipping the podcast. I was like "I am not trying to cry real crocodile tears on FB and IG live." I decided to feel my feelings and cry my tears at home in an attempt to purge my emotions. That helped but it still wasn't 100% out of my system. Come time to head to the podcast I was still considering staying home. But I truly believe that God wants to speak through me on this platform so I can't use every little excuse to stay home. I had to push through and trust Him to do what He does best and cover me as I seek to please Him. I told myself that even if I cry, at least people can see how real the hurt is sometimes. I know I'm not the only woman that suffered this, and I pray men tighten up after seeing this. I pushed through and went to the podcast.
God showed up for real. During the discussion, my eyes did water and I did hold back tears, but everyone there saw how upset I was about this topic. I expressed my frustrations eventually but at first I was trying to stay tight lipped. I'm grateful I didn't have to pull out the box of tissues. I'm over my exes but I was frustrated about all they put me through and wasting my time when I wasn't the one that pursued the relationship at first. I'm like, "You could have just left me alone if I wasn't truly what you wanted!!!" I'm so glad I attended. I learned a lot.
To be honest, even though the men shared their perspectives, I was still upset on my way home. I was 99.999% ready to cut men off and stay single until death. I'm so tired of the games!! God placed an angel in my life that checked up on me and let me vent about the whole issue. Even though I wasn't seeking comfort from anyone, I needed encouragement in the worst way. God showed me love through one of His children today, and He reminded me of His promises to me. It took me about a day and a half but I'm so much better now. I'm back to being optimistic and I feel loved - like for real. And I needed that so badly. The whole situation highlighted my lack of faith in God's plans for me. After a series of disappointments it gets harder to keep the hope alive. But looking back on how God ministered to me in the past 24 hours, I'm more confident in my currently developing love story.
Thanks for reading! Click on the links below to watch the podcast and enjoy!
