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Ready to Love, Ready to Live

Recently I came upon a surprising realization. Ladies and gentleman, I am ready for a committed relationship again!

A little backstory: I was married since 2013. In 2020, we agreed to divorce. The fact that my marriage didn’t work out low key messed with my faith. Since then, although I’ve been open to trying again with someone new, I found myself not being sure what I wanted. I found benefits of being single again right up there with the benefits of being married. I had love for both lifestyles to be honest. Although I have no problem being single, I hated that I couldn’t decide which lifestyle I preferred. And because I couldn’t decide, I couldn't figure out which lifestyle to invest in as I made my day to day decisions. If God was to come down and give me a choice to be single for the rest of my life or committed to someone, I wouldn’t know which choice to make.

Last year I met someone who unintentionally helped me realize (and admit) what I truly wanted. After a few short months, I found myself ready and willing to make the necessary sacrifices and adjustments to make a relationship work. I surprised myself. After a failed marriage, you’d think I wouldn’t be ready again for years. But nope, I found myself full of faith. Even though I’m not taken at the moment, the experience opened my eyes and helped me identify my ultimate desire.

After that realization, God pointed out what made me so indecisive before. It wasn’t that I was afraid to love again, I was just afraid to waste my time. I didn’t want to go through the experience of investing my time and energy into something that wouldn’t last. Not again. Once was enough. That hesitancy weakened my passion, my joie de vivre. My child like faith was dampened by anxiety and overthinking.

Looking back on my life, I always had trouble giving my all into something I knew wouldn’t last. When I was in college, I never decorated my college dorms. Why? Because I knew it could only stay up for months before I had to take it down again. What was the point of doing all that work just to take it down again?

Ten years ago, I was fully invested in many things that I’ve seen fall apart since. Those disappointments changed me. I became full of anxiety, I became skeptical, and I became nonchalant. I never lost faith in God generally speaking … but when it came time to follow His instructions, I’d need 100 confirmations. I would try my absolute best to make sure I wouldn’t waste any more of my time, energy and comfort.

So now when it comes to relationships, I won’t be so hung up on “is he the one?” I will be more focused on how God wants me to interact with any potentials at that moment. I am a servant of God and my concern should always be how to serve Him and His children. Who knows? I could end up dating someone who I won’t end up marrying, but who will introduce me to a whole new world that propels me into my destiny. I have to be okay with that.

I’m currently working on applying this “seize the opportunity to serve" lifestyle to other areas of my life. Stay tuned!


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