I listen to sermons and teachings every week from some of my favorite preachers/teachers of the Word of God. I have between 6-10 podcasts and YouTube channels that I listen to every week. God would use at least one of these to minister to me in a supernatural way by giving me instructions, confirmations or insight. This practice really helped me fight the good fight of faith daily.
Last week, I found myself getting a bit confused and anxious. I felt like I couldn't figure out what I was supposed to be doing in this season. What I felt led to do just didn't sound right, and every time I leaned towards what sounded right, I didn't feel at peace. But when I leaned towards what brought me peace, I felt guilty - because it didn't sound right. I started to get worried because one sermon would point me in one direction and the other would point me in another. Not to say that they didn't hear from God, but some of the sermons simply didn't apply to me in this season. Problem was, I wasn't sure which were which.
I even had trouble with Facebook. I lose track of time scrolling Facebook for two reasons: I love the wise/inspirational posts and I absolutely love the memes. The posts with advice did the same as the sermons - some encouraged me with what I felt led to do, some made me feel guilty for what I felt led to do. It was an equal amount of support and opposition and I didn't know how to feel or what to do. At this point I knew I had to withdraw from Facebook and the sermons, listen to worship music and let the Holy Spirit minister to me.
I settled the matter quickly because the same thing happened to me 9 years ago. I used to watch TBN all day, every day. But I found myself so incredibly confused that I eventually entered a dark place. Not evil, just dark. I literally felt void of God's presence. I felt like I was hanging on by a thread. I prayed for days and could not seem to get anything from Heaven. No words, no comfort, no direction - nothing. Until finally God told me, "You're eating from too many plates." He then explained that I've listened to so many other interpretations of the Word that I abandoned my own ability to hear God myself. In other words, I relied on other people to tell me how to live my life. I put my destiny in their hands. I even used my confusion as an excuse to drag my feet when it came to obeying what God put in my heart.
So this time around I caught myself quickly and immediately withdrew. In less than a day I was re-affirmed in what God told me. He encouraged and strengthened me. I can easily dismiss what's not for me in this season, I can ignore the accuser of the brethren and I can confidently keep walking this nonsensical path knowing that's where God wants me. At this point in my spiritual life, I should be able to hear God for myself and utilize sermons and advice as insight, but not solely instruction.
I've grown to the point where I'd often receive confirmation without even seeking it. I'm more confident in my ability to hear from God and more importantly, I'm secure in God's love. Even if I'm walking the wrong path, I trust Him to order my steps and honor my efforts to please Him by walking by faith. No more holding back because of uncertainty - I have work to do!