Have you ever had one of those days where you wish you can rewind to the very beginning and start over? Today was R-O-U-G-H. I was crying on and off ALL day. I mean ALL day. From my ride to work through when I went to bed at night. One may ask, "well what happened?" Nobody died, nobody was rushed to the hospital and my marriage is bliss, we're still employed and have shelter over our heads.
See, I don't cry as much and as easily as I used to when I was much younger. My mom talked some sense into me in 7th grade that helped me develop some tough skin. So unless I was going through something very heavy, I barely sobbed. Some tears may come out here and there but for the most part you wouldn't catch me crying. But when I'm PMSing -- well I'd have my moments briefly on my commute to/from work. I'd usually regain composure by the time I made my destination.
But today was different. It was relentless. I would start crying every 30-60 minutes. And at my desk at work I'd quickly wipe my eyes. I don't know if anybody noticed, but nobody stopped to ask me if I was okay. And to be honest, I'm glad no one did because that would have started another round of waterworks on the spot! I was a hot mess - so unlike myself. I'm usually very positive and I mostly lean on the side of rationalization when it comes to processing my circumstances. I'm optimistic and always try to be grateful even when things aren't going perfectly according to my standards.
I asked myself what the heck was wrong today? Why could I not stop crying?! When I'm PMSing, my problems go from molehills to mountains and it's more challenging to walk in faith and trust in God.
Not PMSing: "Oh I see this medical bill, I'll just pay it when I can."
PMSing: "I can't ever seem to make enough to get rid of these stupid bills!! One step forward, five steps back! I don't know what to do!!"
However I noticed the timing of events. Just this past Saturday I did a soft release of this website/blog. I asked my sisters and husband to check it out and give me some feedback on my progress so far. So today, when I could not get it together, I felt like I was doing a horrible job of practicing what I preached. Who am I to try to encourage women when I can't hold it together myself?! I had to realize that this was just a spiritual attack. More than my regular PMS occurrences.
I just had to thug this day out because the emotions were indeed strong and weren't going away easily. But I leaned on God as hard as I could and slept it off remembering that I was called and this was further proof that I was going to make a positive impact for the Kingdom of God.